Season of Love...(and Drama)

Summer = Love = DRAMA

(I'm no math whiz, but here's one that I can figure out)

As summer is the season of love and love is the summoner of drama, this hot weather has got this season's drama soaring into the rafters.

The most recent relationship problems that my circle of friends have encountered as of late seem to hold a chilling recurrent theme: girls that settle. And, as the problems escalate, the theme seems to morph into: girls that settle and then think they find something better and realize that they are in over their heads with the first guy that they settled for. This seems to be a scientific phenomenon that has yet to be a) formally discovered and b) formally addressed as an issue that needs solving. Seriously.

(As a girl talking to girls and finding myself in drowning in the relationship problems of other girls, I realize that this, as well as my other blogs, are completely from a female perspective. For that, I apologize, and criticism is welcome. This is not, I repeat, NOT a man-hater type of blog. I love men.)

It seems as though girls, "now a-days," perhaps, are so much more willing to settle for whatever comes their way in the man department. And for that, problems arise. Before I delve into the current issues in my girl circle, I would like to make clear that nice guys DO exist. After hanging out with two of my best guy friends yesterday, I can assure you that they do not reside solely in the written character roles of movies. I promise.

I have friends that simply cannot function if they don't have a boyfriend. And it's not that they aren't able to--it's that they THINK that they can't, and thus a self-fulfilling prophecy is born.

Twice this summer, I have had friends that have wrapped themselves into pre-paid situations--one an expensive concert, one a camping trip--with their boyfriends that they have felt obligated into endure simply because of the money. If a girl feels like her money has been wasted if she DOESN'T go through with the plans, I tell her to look at it this way: Would you rather spend money to have a miserable time, or forget about the money and enjoy the relief of relinquishing the obligation? Think about it.

And now, I would like to point out a classic mistake, complete with narration:
A friend of mine received a late-night text from a long-term crush who she had dated sporadically a few years previous (one of those hotties that never knew you existed while you were in high school), who found out of her new singlehood and invited her over to his friends house, where they were hanging out. At midnight, she went to see him.

When High School Hottie texted her the next day and gave her a last-minute invite to his camp, she came to me, considering ditching her weekend plans involving a friend's visit from out of state.

Being available at his every whim; what message is that sending to him? It's saying, "I'll be there whenever you want me to be, therefore you're in complete control because I'm infatuated with you and it's virtually impossible for me to hate you." And then you're too available. And then there's no chase. And then, you just look desperate. As my friend Ashli would say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Wise words. Remember them.

Did I mention that the out-of-stater was a guy that she'd been consistently talking to? I love a man's flattery as much (maybe more) as the next girl, but it truly makes me cringe when girls--and I see it all the time--feel the need to jump from guy to guy, leading one on and then the next, just for the constant surge of ego that they seem to feel inadequate without. Girls, men are people, too.

On the flip side, here's a recurrent conversation that never fails to get my blood boiling:

Girl with Problem (GWP): "Karen my boyfriend is so annoying/disrespectful/mean. He wants me to do my laundry/doesn't care if I'm having a bad day/called me a(n) (insert explicative here) and I don't know what to do! Help me! What should I do?!"

Me: "Break up with him."

GWP: "I can't!"

Me: "Why?! He's obviously making you miserable."

GWP: "It's just...you don't understand! It's not that simple!"

But the scary thing is: It IS that simple. It's scary because we do have that much control over our lives and that much power to change them that quickly. To both girls AND guys: If you are unhappy when you are with your significant other, even if it's just a lack of chemistry, you're wasting BOTH your time. My friend Lisa put it best when her long-term boyfriend went on a motorcycle trip with a friend who was a girl and I asked her if she was worried. She said, "If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. If it happened, I'd be absolutely devastated, I'd be heartbroken. But I'd rather have it happen now and know, so I can get on with my life as soon as possible and find someone else to spend the rest of my life with."

And anyway, instead of living miserably with someone who isn't right, wouldn't you rather grow old alone with your 17 cats?


(Photo courtesy of www.capetowndailyphoto.com)